Note: This is humor. For more information see

Pheromone of Social Delusion: Theory, Discovery and Primary Test Results.


Dr. Zibens Perkons, M.D., Ph.D., DDT, COD
Research Director of the ISNT Neurobiopsychoanalytic Research Laboratory

Dr. Olympia Johnton-Newt, M.D., Ph.D., DNA, OCT, OT, CCCP
Director of Research at the Australian Institute of Biological Neurosport and Certified Neurodontist.

Preliminary research has revealed that the Social Delusion so prevalent in Homo Sapiens can be traced to a pheromone.

The Social Delusion pheromone is produced when a person feels himself to be part of, and accepted by, a group of people. When a person -- for example, an autistic person -- does not feel part of the group, he will not produce the Social Delusion pheromone. The Vomeronasal Organs (VNO's) of people in the group will therefore have no Social Delusion pheromone to react to. Group members will immediately perceive a Social Delusion pheromone non-producer to be an outsider, and will behave accordingly.

The Social Delusion pheromone was discovered by placing pheromone aggregators in the air exhaust vents of the Astrodome during a football game. The ISNT research team first considered using the pheromone collectors in Times Square on New Year's Eve but decided against it because of possible wind conditions. The Astrodome proved a successful location for obtaining a plentiful supply of pheromonal material.

The resulting pheromones were purified at the ISNT Laboratory. Since this breakthrough, an antidote (Swarming Inhibitor) has been found to deactivate the Vomeronasal Organ, making it insensitive to pheromonal influence.

It was discovered that the Swarming Inhibitor (SI), or VNO deactivator, has an interesting effect on newborn elephants. The baby elephant's VNO is typically activated by a pheromone produced by its mother. This pheromone sends a signal to the baby's amygdala, stimulating nurture-seeking behaviors. By exposing the newborn to a small amount of SI, we were able to cause it to back away from its mother. Though the experiment was immediately reversed to prevent harm to the newborn, it's obvious that such experiments would be inappropriate for human beings.

The ISNT Pheromone Research Group was able to test their conclusions at various sports events. Microphones placed in sports arenas were connected to a computer that measured the noise level produced by fans. Where the aggregation pheromone was introduced, the level of cheering went up 48%, whereas in areas where the Swarming Inhibitor was introduced cheering diminished to almost imperceptible levels, and in some cases, sports fans got up and left. When interviewed about their reason for leaving, many fans said that suddenly they didn't know why they came in the first place. One young woman said that she had suddenly started to laugh at the beefy looking guys running around in strange costumes, had felt self-conscious and had decided to leave.

The ISNT Research Laboratory has offered the U.S. Army the use of the Swarming Inhibitor as a tactical weapon. It could be crop-dusted over the Serbians, for example, to destroy the nationalistic cohesion and prevent them from attacking Bosnians and Muslims. The Army declined this offer, however, because of the fear that some of this powerful material might escape within the ranks of the U.S. Military, causing the soldiers to forget what they are doing.

For further information about pheromones, these sites have relevant information:

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-Dr. Zibens Perkons
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Institute for the Study of the Neurologically Typical